A Post dedicated to my beloved grandfather, Wilfredo Negron (April 1937 – December 2021).
0: Messages
message sent to my grandfather on October 5, 2021 8:58am:
My brother intercepted it and read it to him around 7:14pm. My grandfather was in the hospital this time and trying to make a recovery. I wrote to him:
Hi Pops,
I never do this, but I know that if I were you, that I would like a message of care, especially in these trying times - A message for your heart, if you will. We all love you very much. You have been a partner in a life that at times seems cruel, but is generous if one maintains their hope for the most beautiful future possible.
It's hard to know what the meaning of all this is. I've been asking myself this question since one of my first memories in life. And I am asking myself this especially now, considering our most recent conversations.1 It's right to be scared of unknown - it's the way of the world. It's also right to have love and hope for what you put into the world, because that is how completely new possibilities become realities.
The essence of our love is the faith, within ourselves, (to be strong enough) to keep finding hope for an impossible future. It's rejecting the idea that you are useless even if it's hard to believe. I have faith that you will once again be happy. I know it! You will never be useless to us. You are strong. Life is a will to knowledge and to create.
With Great Adoration & Love,
Your Grandson
I: His Passing
My grandfather passed away on the morning of December 7, 2021. As my mother tells the story: She woke up2 and asked him if he wanted breakfast.
She left him in his room and went to the kitchen to make him oatmeal, or something of the sort3. She was away from him for approximately ten to fifteen minutes – enough time to prepare a bowl of warm food. By the time she had returned to him with his bowl of breakfast, he had already passed away. She found him in a position on his bed that suggested he was trying to get up but couldn’t quite make it.
I was supposed to see him that weekend before he died. I was set to go visit him, at first, on that Saturday4, and then that Sunday5, but it was raining that weekend and I had gotten mildly sick. The prospect of driving became a daunting feat to consider. I remember thinking: “I’ll go visit him during the week, on either Tuesday6 or Wednesday7. I’ll just take a day off in the week. I just need to rest now.”
I had been very active the week prior – doing more than I probably should have been doing, and the thought of resting was highly attractive.
I called to let him know of the postponement I was considering, and he said in his typical caring way:
"Don't worry. It's raining and I want you to be safe."
My mother later told me (and I believe it) that he had prepared himself for my arrival by that Saturday morning. When I had not initially8 shown up, he asked her: ”When is he going to get here?” The thought of my grandfather holding himself to share a moment with me is not off-character for him.
At the time I felt that he intuitively responded to my prayers; my prayers for him to heal and return home from months of being in a hospital. I grew excited and anxious to confirm that knowledge with him – But I never made it.
He died on that Tuesday9.
My grandfather died the day before I took a day off of work to go visit him...
II: The Conversation
The conversation I referenced having with him in that October 5th message shared earlier10 centered on the topic of how one creates a future for themselves. It was prompted by him sincerely asking for assistance in finding comfort during this part of his life – a part of his life where he acknowledged decline and unfulfilled desires.
I explained to him how I believed that we are all extensions of each other. I explained how I believed that our love and creativity literally produce new realities.
After I delivered somewhat of an invective discourse against Nihilism, he looked up at me and asked:
"Does the past exist?"
As he asked this, he firmly pointed his right index finger at me, waged it, grinned, and then winked.
He was Clint Eastwood and I was Lee Van Cleef.11
Bang! Bang!
He got me…
It’s a good question: Is The Past relevant?
Or rather: How real should we understand The Past12 to be? Especially in the context of creating a meaningful life. It was, in a sense, A Koan13 – The key to reconciling an intuitive fallacy (sensed as paradox).
In that moment: he was my guru.
III: Is The Past Real?
Does The Past exist? Insomuch as we allow it to, I believe. The Past, to some extent, is created (much like The Future is).
The Past is something we edit. The Present is something we perform – It is the act of producing an ideal: The Future.
Stated alternatively: The Present is the eternal production of The Future, and The Future is a draft, a sketch, of what we are actively striving towards.
The Future doesn’t really exist. It only exists virtually. In the same that The Past only exists virtually. The same way that Dreams only exist virtually.
We have these virtual realities around us that inform us. Realities that typically reveal themselves when one chooses to exercise a broader sensitivity to their environment (Sometimes regarded as: “Being Present”; “In-Flow”; “Being empathic”).
Our SHARED REALITY is bounded by virtual realities. The foundational Virtual Realities being:
- The Past – Which we edit.
- The Present – Which we are performing and producing within.
- The Future – Which we are drafting.
- Our Respective Dreams – where we exercise catharsis through a high level of creative freedom.
What we consider to be physical reality – “The shared reality” – The most tangible reality – may be subject to consideration as a virtual reality in some special cases, like in a case where one exhibits what has been labeled in a recent social era as either a Behavioral Condition or Madness.14 This most tangible reality may be perceived as a virtual reality by those who interpret the data15 around them differently.
The thought goes something along the lines of:
If we assume our feelings to be real, defining reality as the experiential response to the immediate environments centered on us (i.e., consciousness), then it stands to reason (given a situation like the emotional nature of having a “vivid” dream) that the realities16 in which emotional experiences precipitate from are themselves real.
However, not all realities are created equal. The summation of a person17 can be derived from a weighted average of all the realities they are experiencing (virtual) and are interacting with (physical).
This thought all springing forth from the koan of: “Is the past real?”
IV: Closure
I’m sorry I never made it.
I’m sorry I was always too late.
I’ll try to make it up to you.
As we had talked about that night as well: I have to write the book.
"Bri! You have to write THE BOOK."
That’s what you told me.
I’m going to write that book. I’m going to write The Book, starting with This Story18.
Thank you for listening. Thank you for coming.
@ CyberArtTime
“If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present.”
Lao Tzu
- A conversation detailed later in this article. ↩
- She was staying with him, at his apartment, during this time to provide assistance and care. ↩
- I don’t quite remember that part. ↩
- December 4, 2022 ↩
- December 5, 2022 ↩
- December 7, 2022 ↩
- December 8, 2022 ↩
- On Saturday before I had an opportunity to call him. ↩
- December 7, 2021 ↩
- ”…And I’m asking myself this, especially now, considering our most recent conversations.” ↩
- The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (Film, 1966). ↩
- Things that have actually happened to us ↩
- Used in Zen Buddhism to demonstrate the inadequacy of logical reasoning and to provoke enlightenment. ↩
- The thought of a DSM-V defined schizophrenic, or maybe even someone who is schizoid, comes to mind. ↩
- Platonic Forms ↩
- Environments ↩
- Individual identity ↩
- No Time Is Ever Wasted ↩
CyberArtTime 
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